Present and fluid

Those who simply live in the present moment, truly experience life and are happiness at its most pure form. It’s so simple to live in the present, yet I struggle with it daily.

An epiphany last weekend, at tea with an amazing friend, led me to understand that if I live presently in that moment I can choose happiness. Actually just living in the present moment does me wonders, it makes me slow down and not only appreciate life all around me but I am filled with an amazing sense of happiness. 

Though I am working on being present and being aware, I realize it isn’t something that comes naturally for me – in fact some days I feel like all I’m doing is reminding myself to be present. All my life I am looking for the next thing. I am always looking forward to something in the future. Instead of enjoying the now, I’m looking at the future, excited for the next event; but when that event gets here it is disappointing because I have spent so much time idealizing it I don’t enjoy it in that moment. The moment arrives and I am let down and then start looking at the next thing. I am actually trying to fast forward myself through my own life.  Even in my daily tasks I am trying to get to the next one, then the next one and then get to sleep so I can start it all over again; never fully appreciating the moment I’m in, always looking for what’s next.

My personality tends to lean towards the planner, I like making plans, often well in advance. I think slowing myself down and living presently is something that I feel I have to work a little harder on.  People who live presently, still make plans, they just live moment to moment and not for that particular plan.  One of the things I am trying to do now is making plans on a whim, which in the past was very hard for me to do.  I am trying to let go of my shoulds, and simply be.  In the past if plans would change I would be upset, because I had a very hard time rolling with waves, but now there is a moment of disspaointment and I am able to move on.

So I guess it’s not just living presently where I am moving towards, but also being more fluid. Two things that I work on daily, that with time will get to be more natural for me.  The only way I can work on them is through awareness, simply saying to myself “I am in the present moment” and “just relax and let that go”.  It does work, but like any new skill it takes practice.

I am gearing up for a trip tomorrow, and it’s really easy for me to go list crazy and feel that stressful energy of my to do list.  Do I have things that I would like to get done for this trip? Of course, but the list doesn’t control me and that hyper energy to complete it does not serve me. I will do my best to live in the present moment today, trusting that it will all get done.  Right now I feel the need to write, later I will feel like packing and in packing I will find joy in the present while packing instead of that “I need to get this over with and move on to something else”.  

I am not perfect, no one is, but I am aware and bit by bit, I will be present and fluid.

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