I am always the victim. I am always the one who is under appreciated and never valued. It has been like that my whole life. I can easily live in the victim role and I honestly believe that just attracts more negative energy, leaving me stuck in that victim stage.
I think one of the main problems with me living and working as a stay at home mom is the fact that I feel under appreciated. What I do in the day feels like so much but the recognition or appreciation that I get from my family will never be enough – and I do get a good amount.
What is it with me and things being never enough? I never have enough money, I never have enough house, I never have enough appreciation, I am never enough.
I am never enough because I am always looking for outside validation. In a way that sometimes feels secretive, I am not finding my happiness in the everyday tasks, so I am looking outward for it. When I do get a temporary fix, it is simply that – temporary. It fades and then I start all over again because I am missing the root issue.
We all know it – happiness only comes from within yourself. I know that. I believe that but I am not practicing that. No amount of money or things or people’s opinions will change that. I certainly can’t depend on waiting for someone to tell me I am doing a good job – I need to enjoy the job itself and find the good within myself and not externally.
It ties in with present living: if I am living in the present moment, I can find the joy and love in that moment and in myself and eventually I will stop looking outward for this validation.
All I can do is live moment by moment and enjoy every one that I am in.