I am reconnecting with myself and a big part of that is learning to love myself again. It can be hard, years of conditioning has taught me to be incredibly judgmental of myself, feeling a hate instead of a love.
Last night I ate a whole bunch of ice cream and chocolates. I am all for the occasional treat but this was a bit out of control. Yesterday was a day where I saw nothing but faults in myself, so it wasn’t a surprise that I reached for an overindulgence of treats. As I was eating them feeling a little down on myself I realize, they didn’t even really taste that good, and they certainly didn’t make me feel good, so why was I doing it? I think it’s because part of me wanted to continue to be down on myself and this was a way to do so, it perpetuated the cycle and kept me down. The other part is conditioning, through media and social situations I have been conditioned to think these are so tasty, when for me they really aren’t. This morning I had some very ripe cantaloupe that was so sweet my mouth is just watering thinking about it now; it tasted great and I felt good afterwards too. The cantaloupe is a much better treat for myself.
I am realizing self love starts with what I am putting into my body and that is delicious and nutrious food. It doesn’t mean eating garbage but it also doesn’t mean eating nothing but broccoli either. It’s a balance that works for my body. The same way that I felt bad about myself and ate junk food last night can be applied if I eat nothing but a certain vegetable I don’t like because it’s deemed good for me by others. In this case, I am just after a result, and it’s not a loving one it’s one of hate : I hate my body, I need to be in shape and only eat broccoli – there’s no love there.
Moving my body is another way for me to start connecting better through self love. Moving makes my body happy and shows myself that love. I have to find something where I move and feel that happy loving feeling: dancing, walking, sometimes running. Putting myself through some gruelling training for two hours that I don’t enjoy, does the opposite and can feel like I am punishing myself, not what I am after.
Like anything in life it’s about balance, but a balance that’s based on individual needs. My self loves things that your self may not and that is more than okay, find what works and do it. The best place for me to start loving myself is through the foods that I eat and the way I move myself daily; this will give me a solid foundation on which I can build.