I truly love blogging, and the thing I love to write about most is my journey. It’s mainly about my journey through myself to myself – it’s like a big self improvement diary. I like to write abou this because I like to read about this type of material. I can usually see what the author has gone through and a little glimpse of something positive to take away from it and that is a true feeling of comfort for me. I often assume everyone is happily struggling through their own journeys and I find myself taken back when I share these stories and am met with cristicm or negative reviews.
I started sharing my blogging stories on my Facebook feed and for the most part, I was met with positive reviews and happiness, but there were a lot of people that I felt had completely missed the point. Either they took away that I was some sort of sad soul who was never going to get her stuff together or I was talking crazy things and should stick to just things that are funny or more upbeat. The point of this blog is that I am a human being experiencing human experience, and I am sharing what I feel. I am giving a voice to myself and letting people know : yes, this particular thing makes me sad, but that’s where I learned about myself and found some major nuggets of happiness.
The feedback did bother me though, old habits appear hard to break and my pleasing tendencies is one that does surface up here and there. People pleasing is something I based my whole life on; up until three years ago, it was the only foundation I stood on – so it wasn’t very solid. I lived my whole life for others, worked a job I thought I should work, was friends with people who I thought I should be, had things others told me to have, lived my life in accordance to what everyone else thought. I wasted many hours thinking about what many people thought, and how I could make them happy – it never made me happy though. All the hours and energy I poured into everyone never made me happy, it never came back the way I put it out there and it never created lasting happiness.
People pleasing was a very hard habit to break, like an addict I find myself occasionally coming back to it. That energy where you tell me that what I am doing is right is so addictive, but it’s also fleeting. After it fades I am left with something I am doing, or something I have, that doesn’t really fit with me and then I am left with a feeling of unhappiness. Maybe my people pleasing habit will always continue to surface, maybe it will always be there, but maybe my reaction to it will be the thing that changes and over time it will be left with barely a reaction. What you pour energy into is what feeds it, so if I don’t give it anything eventually I won’t even notice it’s there. Like everything I am doing, it take practice and patience.