Let go

I am learning to let it go and move on. The past few days have been a gentle reminder to myself to live only in the present moment, and stop dreading or even desperately look forward to what is around the corner.

The little guy has been sick this week and hubby was away for the better half of the week, this lead to a very emotional, very exhausted, meltdown yesterday.  It’s the additional responsibilities coupled with an extra demanding, extra clingy, needing extra attention little boy on my lap, that brought me there. This week I found myself  fearing what could happen next.  Sleep was limited not beause he was waking, but because I was rushing fearing that something was wrong, if that were really the case he would have let me know.   Then I start fearing what we could have, what it could do, who it could do it to and then I am nothing but a puddle of fear and anxiety. 

It’s hard watching your little one sick, but in the actual moment there is little you can go, maybe that’s why it’s so hard.  All I can do is shower him with hugs and kisses and give him love, eventually he will get better day by day and I can support that in little ways but I can’t control it. I can’t control anything that happens in my life and I know sometimes that bothers me.  Yesterday was a day I felt out of control and was a grumpy mess. We all have these grumpy days, and I think I am really hard on myself when I go through them –   I feel like I should be doing better. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, grumpy days are needed – they contrast the good ones, they show you things which help you learn and grow.

Today the day started off a little better but again things weren’t going the way I had planned and all of a sudden a light bulb turned on and I realize, stop planning and you won’t be disspponted anymore.  Stop trying to control the situation and you won’t feel this disspaointment.  For me a big part of that means letting it go and just living in the moment.  Babysitters can’t make it, no biggie I’ll take him with me this time.  In the moment I am presented with options, I can either chose one or another or I can sit there being upset that the choice that isn’t available isn’t available.  As things start flowing they keep flowing and when it hits a little edge you keep flowing in a different way, it really isn’t a big deal. Just let it go.

I can’t control anything and really there would be no fun in life if I could; all I can do is relax, breathe and flow through live with effortless ease. 

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