I used to be an incredibly dependent person: if you would do it for me, I would be happy to let you; but life has brought me to an incredibly independent place. I like the incredibly independent space, I have found love for myself which in turn has found confidence in myself in the things that I do.
I was thinking that all this independence can be dangerous for me because sometimes I just want to be left alone, but that’s not an independence thing. I don’t want to do it all on my own always, but my personality enjoys doing things on my own my own way. I’m a natural introvert and there is nothing wrong with that, I enjoy time to myself and I often like it on my own quietly. I do run into problems when I do that continuously and refuse to come out of it. That when my depression seeds can take hold and take some quiet reflective time and turn it into a dark sad time where I never want to be with anyone else but me.
I’ve blogged about my seeds of depression before, they are always there and it is up to me whether or not I water it. For me it’s a slippery slope when I get into a loner funk and don’t want to break free. At first sign of not wanting to do something different is my red flag telling me I have to. The days I don’t want to write what I am grateful are the days I need it the most; same with this, the days I don’t want to do something different outside my loner time are they days I need to step outside that.
It’s about balance, my loner time is important, it is something that I enjoy and need but I do not want it to consume me. Sometimes I need to force those first few steps to change the train in motion but when I do it is never a bad thing, I always end up enjoying myself.