People pleasing stuff

This month a lot has happened, there’s been mother day celebrations, birthday celebrations, special visits from friends and all kinds of things that have lead me to spend some extra money.  The problem was that once I started spending, I realized just how easy it is to keep going. I spent more than I should have on things I didn’t really need – it was mainly food stuff but that just got the ball rolling and before I knew it my thoughts were starting with “I want to buy …”, not exactly where I wanted to be.

When you only have one persons income to depend on in your home, money has a specific use and it is limited in its amount.  I am welcome to spend our money in any way that I choose but is is fixed in the amount and there isn’t much wiggle room.   Like most things in my life, the way our finances work best is when it is balanced. 

I noticed this time around, it wasn’t about me being happy and buying things to try to be happy but it was about me trying to people please and me being competitive.  My food celebrations turned into “look how good I am” celebrations instead of the happy casual “what’s in my fridge” celebrations.  I started to get things for my house, not because they brought me joy but because I thought they would impress. Even a few things I wanted for myself, I wasn’t after them for myself, but to impress other people. I was competiting with everyone for the best home, best dressed, best chef, title and there is no award for them! 

If I am surrounded by people in similar situations who are counting their pennies and living a simplistic minimalist life, I am not swayed into the stuff very much. When I am around people like that,   I am actually excited to not spend money and look for ways to get rid of the clutter more and more; but then I go to someone’s home who has something nice in and it and I am drawn to it, I want to be like them , I want it too. 

I think sometimes I would enjoy a life where I didn’t have to think this way, where there were no restrictions and that’s what happens when I get myself in a spending cycle like I just have. It would be nice to have no restrictions and maybe some day that will be the case for me but right now I feel like this is a time for me to understand what it is like to have these restrictions. I need these restrictions to have appreciation.  My mom would always say “you can always find someone who is doing much better than you and you can always find someone who is doing much worse”. I would like to take that idea and add, it’s up to you what way you want to focus, but you will be the happiness if you compare yourself to neither and just be you.

I love my life as it is right now and I have so much to be grateful for, the experiences that I get to experience daily are so awesome but it means I can’t have as much stuff.  In the grand scheme of things the stuff won’t be there for me quite the same way as my relationships and experiences that I have had the chance to have. The stuff is fleeting and it too shall pass but I will always have the memories of being at home with my children.  Every experience in a chance to learn and grow and I feel where I am right now is one of the most teachable moments my life has had;  it’s a great position to be in.

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