I love both my sons, I love everything about them; yet there are things about them that bring about anxiety or concern in me. My first born has a very active imagination and often makes up creative names for everything he does, he loves to do it. He will make up a name for something and insist that is the the name when he is with a friend. He also makes up stories from the past which haven’t really happened, things like “before mommy was born I was a living in the North”. Not entirely true and we try to help him with distinctions and timelines but like all mothers I worry about him. Could this be a sign of something? I don’t see many other children speaking like this, do I? Thus anxiety seeps in.
There is nothing wrong with him, I know this to be true, he is five and has a very active imagination – this is a good thing. It’s a good thing he can think this creatively and hopefully it leads to a life full of creativity because in creativity I find happiness and he should too.
No the problem isn’t his creativity, it’s my box that I have put on him. I have a definition of a “normal” child and he isn’t fitting into it entirely. If you read this blog you know that there is no such thing is normal, it’s too subjective in its definition and what I think should be normal you may not think at all. There isn’t a one stop definition for normal that satisfies everyone so there is no point in trying to make it fit.
I know when I am doing this myself, I had no idea until recently that I was doing it to my children.
Even my youngest can be a little spit fire, always challenging, diving in head first, head strong and he is only two! I had no idea I was concerned that his little spark of a personality was something I compared to other children and deemed him to be not normal as well. This spark is a treasure and will lead him down a life full of adventure, great love, experience and life and I know that to be true but sometimes I look over at the child beside me and think “my little boy is not like him”.
Comparison really is the theif of joy. The things that cause me pause in my children are things that are beautiful and unique to them. I would never ever want them to be different than what they are now. I shouldn’t pause and wonder, I shouldn’t compare or concern, I should celebrate their beauty, for that is what it truly is.
It has taken me years to disconnect from the “what I should be” version of myself and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I want my boys to always be themselves uninhibited. I hope they never find their “what I should be” versions of themselves and simply just be.