Old hurts

A few days ago my neck and shoulder started hurting me again, it hasn’t done that in over a year.  I used to get it all the time.  It would cause pain that would lead to a headache.  Massage would often alleviate it but it was something I often suffered through. 

I was actually surprised to see this pain surface lately so I started thinking what has changed – why now?  With it being summer vacation – both children are home and we are busy experiencing life and having fun and though I am having a good time,  it can be stressful to get to swimming lessons on time or to make sure we get out and do something.  That was leading to worry in regards to – are we doing enough? Am I letting them do too much of one thing and not another?  Slowly and without me even realizing it I lead myself into a world of shoulds and expectations.  It’s easy to slip back and when you do sometimes you don’t even notice it.

They say your shoulders carry your shoulds and your neck expectations, meaning when you have that type of pain you’re living in a world of shoulds  and expectations – that’s more than correct for me. Upon realizing I need to let my kids just be kids and not worry about if I am meeting their academic expectations or if I have planned enough I have also realized that’s spilled into me – “I should look differently than I do right now, people expect this from me”. I am not really living in the moment for myself.

Something that I also find is happening to me now is I am shedding a lot of unwanted layers. I am slowly changing but it’s not really change, it’s me allowing myself to be the true me and that can’t really happen without shedding some layers.  These old hurts bubble up and say: here I am, deal with me and learn from me and now move on.

Stepping into your own skin is a process which takes time and slowly you strip away the layers, eventually all you will be left with is you, completely and utterly unfiltered. 

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