When night falls, so does my courage. This isn’t to say that I am afraid of the dark, no if only it were that simple, when all light is lost from the sky, all my confidence and courage go with it. I am often left with doubt and fear in my choices I made during the day.
Perhaps it’s because at night is when I am left with solitude to review my decisions and choices during the day, when its just me by myself I start listening to my ego and worst more, start believing it. I believe I am not worthy, I am not capable or able. I often am more fearful at night for anything because I cannot see, physically and spiritually inside myself.
My lack for love for myself has no where to hide at night, and I can no longer pretend anymore. I end this cycle promising to be more gentle with myself each morning, trying to find love for myself, but it is when I am the weakest at night that I must look deep inside and find that love for myself.
This nighttime vulnerability is a sensitive time, where I can be penetrated quite easily with doubt, hate, fear and self loathing but because of its vulnerability if I probe a bit deeper I can connect with that self love deep inside myself when I need it the most.
With time, practice and connection I can re-establish that love that is always there and that is what I must touch when night falls.