Repeat anger

I am angry that I am angry.

I am angry that I am not the way I thought I would be. I thought I would be this peaceful loving awesome parent and person and half the time in life I feel like all I am doing is suppressing anger. 

I am not an angry person. No one in my circle would be able to tell you that I am but I feel anger a lot – more than I would like, more than I am willing to admit.

Anger aside, I often feel like I am becoming someone who I don’t want to be but for the life of me can’t figure out what to do to stop it, and I am desperate to stop it.

This is where my conflict lies wanting to be one thing and actually being another.

Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

I am on repeat. 

I am constantly battling this particular conflict, I know I should embrace it all and for brief moments I do and then I slip back into old habits and begin the conflict all over again: hating me now and wanting to be something else. The key is acceptance, the key is awareness but I keep misplacing the key to be left out in the cold again.

Then I get angry.

Then it starts again.

Doomed to repeat until I learn.

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