I am angry that I am angry.
I am angry that I am not the way I thought I would be. I thought I would be this peaceful loving awesome parent and person and half the time in life I feel like all I am doing is suppressing anger.
I am not an angry person. No one in my circle would be able to tell you that I am but I feel anger a lot – more than I would like, more than I am willing to admit.
Anger aside, I often feel like I am becoming someone who I don’t want to be but for the life of me can’t figure out what to do to stop it, and I am desperate to stop it.
This is where my conflict lies wanting to be one thing and actually being another.
Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
I am on repeat.
I am constantly battling this particular conflict, I know I should embrace it all and for brief moments I do and then I slip back into old habits and begin the conflict all over again: hating me now and wanting to be something else. The key is acceptance, the key is awareness but I keep misplacing the key to be left out in the cold again.
Then I get angry.
Then it starts again.
Doomed to repeat until I learn.