The evening is when I am most vulnerable. It’s when I am tired from the day and I just want to turn off everything, including my brain. It’s no wonder that’s when I go to my junk food snacks or some sugary drink to ease my pain. It’s not really easing of pain going on, but me looking for comfort. I look for comfort in my food all the time and at the end of the day is when I let everything go and indulge – often excessively. It’s okay to indulge from time to time and its okay for certain foods to provide comfort but to do so in excess or to depend on that feeling isn’t somewhere I want to be. I would like to find comfort in myself, instead of that chocolate bar.
I suppose it’s because all day I am on, and sometimes I am fighting through the day but when the last one of my boys is asleep, I literally run down stairs and plunk myself in front of the tv with a mountain full of snacks and I disconnect. I disconnect from everything. I am just tired and so wanting to be alone without any responsibilities. I don’t really have problems watching a bit of tv at night, but I often sit there fighting with myself to go to bed, watching too much or eating so much that I am not tired. I suppose I have such little time where it is truly all mine, so I overindulge and cling to it as it slips away.
It’s okay to unplug, and being an introvert,I need some down time like that but I often know when I have had the sufficient amount of either food or mindless watching, yet I continue to push through. I just want that moment to last for a long time and I honestly don’t want to give it up.
I need to find some loving comfort for myself at the end of the day, and it’s okay if I watch some tv or eat some snacks but both have to be done so in a way where I am loving myself and living life. After an episode or two I need to leave and continue a comfortable wind down process. I also need to choose some snacks where it’s nourishing and loving to myself, this isn’t about depriving myself, but rather feeding myself love, through foods that nourish my body and my soul.
I also need to look at the moments as they pass daily and find those joyful moments. I need to bring back joy and love in every single thing I do so that at the end of the day I am not so exhausted from being without. Treating myself and my body with love and respect and finding joy and love in every moment is the only way to move forward so that I may find comfort in myself.