I have found the source of my anger: I was doing everything for everyone else and ignoring myself. I was not filling my cup so instead of my cup running over with love I was taking an empty cup to try to serve others.
What I realize is that I don’t really understand my newfound need to serve because I only operate in reciprocation. My idea of giving always comes with an expectation of something in return whether that be gratitude, love or an actual similar gift. It’s no wonder I had stopped loving myself and started looking for it in reciprocity. Essentially I am looking to everyone else to love me, but I am not loving myself. I only need love from myself and when I provide it to others it should be without a tether and be free – expecting nothing in return for once you let it go it doesn’t belong to you anymore. I would like to continue having that love for myself be a central spot in my life. I want my service to others to be that in which I enjoy the process, the gift, the act, the experience but once that action is done to send it off with love and let go of it. Once I let it go, it is no longer is mine, and what is done with it no longer belongs to me or should concern me. Some people may love my service, others may hate it but once I release it I also release the outcome.
My anger and disappointment stems from the anger and disappointment I feel in myself – no wonder the world was reflecting that. All I need to do is love me. I shall fill my cup and let it run over to others in service and love.