I got my oldest off to school this morning just in time to see a friend leaving, we passed each other quickly said hi and she hurried on her way, she seemed in a bit of a hurry and I was a little hurt she didn’t stop and wait so we could walk back together as we often do. I said good bye to my oldest and my youngest and I headed back home, we also had places to be and things to do but I could see her ahead of me barely 60 seconds walking solo in a hurried paced. I was more than hurt, I was pissed she couldn’t wait for me to walk back with. She seemed in a rush, maybe she was late for something; perhaps she didn’t feel like talking, God knows I have done that too so I sent her a little love and told myself to chill out.
It wasn’t even a real issue, and I am not really that upset by it but I do feel like it was trying to grab my attention. I realized that what I perceived was a person who was too rushed to stop and talk, to wait and walk back with a friend. That is what it appeared to me and it’s very well not what it was but the appearance of that act made me look around and what I saw everywhere was everyone rushing, myself included. Just the day before I was so rushed and flabbergasted, I had to run the children to school at my fastest pace to squeeze my son into class just in the nick of time. I could have taken my time, lost the attitude and gotten him there late; but no, I was not going to bother myself to get that late slip, I did not have time to wait in line with grumpy people for that reason, so I ran and I rushed and the whole process was unsettling.
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
This isn’t about my friend, or anyone else for that matter, this is about me and my need to feel hurried. My whole life, my whole career has always thrived off of that hurried energy. Now that I am starting to connect more with my body and myself I realize that I simply cannot operate in this manner; which is really hard because it’s all I know. Nature is truly not hurried but everything happens slowly at a pace where things are accomplished. I suppose I associate being hurried and that stressful energy that comes from it as being productive and accomplishing things -it’s not. I can be productive and accomplish things at a more relaxed paced, one that is thoughtful, slow and pensive.
In the moment I make a choice, and I can choose to slow down and appreciate more. It’s okay if we are late from time to time, it’s okay if I miss something, it’s okay if it’s only a mildly productive day or not at all, so long as I am going at a pace which is full of love and peace. That stress, even though sometimes it may feel like good stress, isn’t good for me or my soul. My children have no concept of time or being late, they are simply happy in that moment and that is where I want to be , present in that moment and not rushed.
With some practice I too can learn to slow down.