It’s been a while since I’ve posted, it’s been a while since I have calmed down and just paused. Lately I have been caught up in my to-do list and have become it; and in doing so I have reverted to that past version of my self that has no connection to herself or source. The worst part is I have been living there so long I have had no desire to even change that. I have gotten cozy with that person because after all it is comfortable, it’s what I have known for years.
When I become that person I become a person obsessed: I am obsessive about how I look, fitness, what other people think of me, perfectionism, and the list goes on. I don’t want to be obsessed with anything anymore : weight, fitness, mothering, looks, life achievements – none of it. What I want is serenity and balance , giving attention here and there instead of obsessively focusing on one thing. The type of attention I want to give in my life is that positive one: that of love. My motivation now is love and peace instead of working towards one goal solely. By balancing all the pieces in my life’s puzzle I am able to have a big complete picture instead of part of the picture being bigger than others.
The goal now is a gentle peace and love. I don’t wish to desperately seek out motivation in an effort to force myself to do something I don’t want to do. All the motivation I need is inside me. If I focus on love everything falls beautifully into place. If I move my body because I want to do something fun in terms of exercise and I love myself doing it, then I can’t go wrong. It doesn’t stop just in my regular exercise regime it’s in everything: eating in love (foods that I love the taste and that make me feel good), mothering in love (worrying about not how I am doing but just experiencing the love between me and my children), seeing love (everywhere, in everyone), being love (allowing myself to connect to that love within and just be it) – these are all me and all love.
I let go of anger, worry and frustration as it does not serve me. I let go of everything really that doesn’t serve me and hold on to love and peace. I know that this is the path I wish to take right now and it’s one that’s just right for me: living in love.