Hate

I hate hate.

There is a firery hate that resides deep inside me.  No one close to me would ever describe me as an angry person and that is true but within myself is anger and it isn’t pretty.

My toddler can push the anger out of me, that raw pure hatred can come bursting out  and it’s ugly, I rarely act upon it, maybe I’ll yell but the angry thoughts that come up are ugly and I hate them. Its not just my toddler, many people are pushing my buttons lately producing more and more anger.

It seems really intense now and it feels like it’s bubbling up to the surface begging to be released and I want to release it but it’s not as easy as it sounds.  It’s my default, it’s what I have learned and know so it won’t be an easy solution to simply stop being angry or mad.

But I want it to stop being a part of my life more than it should be. I want my children to default to love instead of anger, I want them to be peace and I really want that for myself too, which is where it will come from. 

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